Right now, I should be wearing a drafty gown, scratchy hospital socks, and a tight plastic bracelet as my plastic surgeon marks me up with jiffy marker and I count down the minutes until a drug induced nap. But, someone else’s need for emergency surgery has given me a six-week reprieve, so I find myself free of both pre-surgery anxiety and holiday plans.
As I wandered along the tree lit path by the ocean yesterday, I shivered in the biting wind and felt a sharp stab of longing for the Christmas before my fifth birthday. When my sister and I believed that the red light across the lake from our house belonged to Rudolph and not the satellite tower. When, my brother and I took turns leaning off the bunk bed and poking my sister awake instead of taking our pre-Midnight Mass nap. When I opened up my first (and only) pair of figure skates and believed that one day I would become a fairy princess figure skater (I still can’t figure out why I morphed those two images together).
I wish I could pinpoint exactly when the magic changed. When the cause of the butterflies in my stomach shifted from wondering if I would catch a glimpse of Santa to worrying that I hadn’t done enough to celebrate the season. When I began to eat too much, drink too much, and spend too much in an attempt to fling myself back to the happiness and wonder of my childhood.
This year, I hope to take my recent life lessons and head off in pursuit of a different kind of magic. To a distant land where I let myself off the hook by buying my baking at Whole Foods, calling friends instead of writing cards, and sipping a glass of Shiraz while I read a good book (instead of worrying about writing a great one). A magic where I focus on feeling grateful for what I have instead of obsessing about what I don’t.
As I reflect on my hopes for 2011, I plan to incorporate a lesson or two from Nadine Stair, an 85 year old from Kentucky, who wrote about how she wished she had lived her life differently.
http://www.omidia.com/thought/p_nadine.html
I hope you find the exact magic that you are looking for by living in each moment this holiday season!
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